Thoughts to Ponder Part I

Bumper sticker: “Forget About World Peace… Visualize Using Your Turn Indicator.” Which leads me to the antithesis: I always wonder why people waste their turn indicator signals when they are in a designated left-turn lane.

If you don’t wonder, you’re brain-dead. When you open a bottle of cottonballs, should you throw the top one away? Ever notice that a container of sour cream doesn’t have an expiration date? Or for that matter, why not a bottle of fine French wine with a label saying: “Contents of this bottle should be consumed before Sept. 1999.” Why do meteorologists call cloudy days “ugly”? Ever wonder where the universe ends? What is beyond all those billions of stars, and beyond that, and beyond that? The concept of infinity is irrelevant. There has to be an end to everything. To me, infinity does not exist. Let us retreat…what was before the “Creation” of all that exists now? And before that, and before that …when was the actual beginning? There had to be a starting point somewhere. I tell ya’, it boggles my mind thinking about these extraterrestrial phenomena. I have to actually turn my thought waves off before my mind explodes. Is there anyone out there who can relate to what I have just expounded upon? I wonder.

Here’s one of my favorite mysteries of life, as seriocomic as it may sound. It is that mystical power that sneaks up in the middle of night and somehow twists my pillow case about 90 degrees around the pillow to make it look like two pig ears sticking out when I wake up the next morning. Now, come on, someone out there has surely had the same unnerving experience. ‘Fess up.

Here’s a dichotomy of our society: all the thirty-somethings jog all over the neighborhood, and then drive to the nearby supermarket in their plastic buzzbombs, and jostle for the closest parking space to the front entrance. This peculiarity is quite amusing to me, since I use my velocipede to do all my shopping. Sometimes I feel like I’m from another planet.

Ever noticed that the moon waxes when the sun wanes, and vice versa? It has something to do with the harvest moon, around the autumnal equinox, just in time for whatever the farmers have to do…I’m just an urbanite.

Never forget that music is much too important to be left entirely in the hands of professionals.

The best kind of fame is a writers fame… just enough to get a good table at a restaurant, and not enough for someone to interrupt you while you are eating.

Show me a man whose left hand doesn’t know what his right hand is doing, and I’ll show you the worst blackjack dealer in Las Vegas.

During the spring of 1998, uncontrollable brush fires ran rampant in Mexico. Wafted by predominant southerly winds, an envelope of smaze (smoke and haze) engulfed much of Texas. A sort of backlash verse resulted: Our leaders are so generous to neighbors who claim they’re broke. We ship them millions in relief. In return, they send us smoke.

I would never belong to a country club that would have someone like me as a member.

I don’t wish to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

I was in L. A. two weeks before my feet touched a sidewalk.

I know exactly how you would react under pressure. If the Gestapo took your Neiman Marcus charge card, you’d tell them everything.

I was voted All-Schoolyard. Someone threw me a football, and I tried to dribble it.

Ever wonder why deer never cross the highway at the Impala signs?