Thoughts to Ponder Part III

You know you’re getting old when:

You hum to the Muzak on the elevator.
You stand in your front yard yelling at passing cars, “Slow down, you’re going too fast.”
You address your friend’s parents by their first names.
Your neighbor’s (apartment dwellers) parents are younger than you.
The high point of the day is taking your blood pressure reading on your home monitoring kit…or reconciling your bank statement.
The last time you went to a movie theater, there were ushers to escort you to your seat (with a flashlight).
You show off your 1940 Pontiac to people who were not even born then.
You really, really miss trolley cars and steam locomotives.
You are addressed as “Sir” by anyone under forty.

Just remember, a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste, and if a girl worships the quicksand you walk on, she probably loves her luggage more than you.

Here’s a thought: If we banned the use of those noise-polluting leaf-blowers, one million Mexicans would lose their jobs.

Scatter shooting while wondering what ever happened to pretty boys Troy Donahue and John Saxton. I consider my ol’ van as a time machine… ahead is the future, in back is the past. Was Roe vs. Wade about two guys arguing in a canoe? The one thing Japan doesn’t produce better than the U. S. A. – the apple. Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women. Four-alarm chili poured into a bag of corn chips – now that’s a highway. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. The Patriot missiles had a better score at locating Iraq than 90 per cent of highschoolers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Life is like a ten-speed bicycle …most of us have gears we never use. Yours truly can surely relate to that. Which brings me to another point: the human body was designed to walk, run, or stop; it wasn’t built to coast. Frank Lloyd Wright was an egomaniac who thought he was God, but his one flaw was that he didn’t anticipate the need for larger closets.

I think the words of John Heywood would be an appropriate ending: “I will spit on my hands and take better hold.”