Cultivating a Catholic Marriage Addendum

Dialoguing with difficult or sensitive topics. Just recently proposed the following to someone on how to do this on the death of a close with friend and the dialogue partner being God modified from a couples exercie. Attached is the letter I sent.

Dearest Loved One,

I thought it best to write down some techniques for dealing with profound sorrow. We know your mind and emotions have been bruised and this affects our memory and thinking processes. These are suggestions that can be taken as you think best.

Prayer is the first order of business. Put it first, then the other things will take care of themselves. Ask the Lord, Our Lady (to whom you are especially connected), Holy Spirit, Guardian Angels, St. name saint, St. Therese’, …. to guide you. Thoughts and people will come into your mind/life that will help you heal.

Summarize the healthy things you are doing. Talking to your chaplain and your parental unit is very positive. Secrets make us sick. Being honest with your physics professor in a subtle manner was also positive. This helps you see your good progress.

Summarize the other emotional challenges that can be adding to the sorrow. This gives you an accurate picture of what needs to be addressed. In this case, you have had a very grueling 1 1/2+ yrs, a daunting semester load, a test tomorrow, and finals next week. Add to this your leadership responsibilities with honor guard. Sometimes we can transfer strong emotions from one pile to the other.

Journaling: 10 minutes writing/10 minutes reading. No more, no less. If you need more time, come back to it at another time and make it a part 2. First part Formulate a concise question or statement. This is like an essay prompt. Second part answer the question, how does my answer make me feel? (HDMAMMF) Feelings are not thoughts. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. To differentiate between a thought and a feeling, see if you can substitute the word think into the statement.

Ex/ I feel sad does not make sense in this usage I think sad. This is a feeling.

I think I want an apple. I feel I want an apple. This is a thought.

Exercise: To sweating. This releases all sorts of therapeutic chemical responses in the body.

Sleeping & eating well (no sugar, good carbs, protein) are essential. Guard both areas, you do not have the bandwidth not to. Brain fog is a real deal.

Stay close to those who love you. They can see things more objectively because their emotions are not as raw. However, guard against talking about it excessively with others. Constant chatter or review of past texts reopens the wound you want to heal. In time, it will become easier.

In this case, perhaps you want to get to the place where he helps you throughout your day or on specific tasks. He could be a very powerful intercessor for you as you progress through current efforts.